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Written @ Saturday, April 17, 2010

hey peeps....
blogging here before i leave for my temple hse...
hmm....i think....
i just swallowed my tounge stud.....=.=
and it's like ZOMG!!!
i woke up feeling funny down my throat...
i feels that there's something there...
i search around my whole bedroom....
there is no sight of my stud...
so well...
i guess it's in my stomach right now..
gonna buy myself a stud back later....
okkay.... gonna post my felings again...
cauz i had weird dreams last night...

i wonder why i find myself loving you till no certain extent...(woah~sounds like social studies)
i dohno why i can miss you like hell,
eventhough you just left my sight for around a minute?
it's not that i'm crazy or wad...
i don't know why either...
i can miss you when i'm eating...
sleeping...bathing...
studying...listen to music...
watching tv....taking pictures....
and all sorts of things i do...
i'll be thinking about wad you're doing...
i received a call yesterday from someone...
she told me to let go....
told me all sorts if things
wanting me to completely let go of you....
but guess what....
i'll be honest...i''ll be frank....
i've closed one side of my ear....
shut i side of my brain....
while i was on the phone...
she said that....
it ws not that
i didn't want to let go & move on,
but is that i am afraid to let go...
but frankly speaking....
it's NOT that i am afraid to let go...
the fact is that i DIDN'T want to....
yeah~ i'm not living for myself only...
i can be really selfish when it comes to this...
i know people around is feeling kinda down
when they see me hurt...or in pain...
but...i'm sorry guys...
i REALLY DON'T WANT TO....
i know holding on to something that you think that it is impossible...
is meaningless...it's absurd...it's out of the question....
but..... hey!
i dohno why... i feel that many of you may think that i'm foolish or wadsoever...
but....i don't mind being the foolish one...
at least i know wad exactly my heart feels...
i know my heart is hurting...infact it's bleeding...
but.... my still is still showing me that...
YES....i can still take it...
i ain't gonna stop bleeding because anybody told me not to...
or stop me from bleeding by telling me the cause of it....
my heart tells me...
i'm gonna bleed for as long as i know i am happy...eventhough i'm bleeding profusely..
you can say that i'm living by my flesh....but not by my spirit...
yes...it's indeed true....
but.... not now ....
i'm not gonna change anything now....
be it if i say to you....
"hey! i'm trying...trying REAL HARD.."
that sentence may be true....because i really am trying hard...
but i may also a false statement....
because....i really don't want to....
its alright if i don't move on now...
it's completely alright...
its me , myself teliing myself that ....
so in the end...
if it really gonna hurt me like hell...
then i'll bear all the consequences myself...
sorry guys ...
i know that you may think that my thinking is not right...
but...
sorry once again....
i'm turning down your request of letting go asap...
because...
I REALLY DIDN'T WANT TO....

Labels: don't want to...