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Written @ Friday, June 11, 2010

Hey peeps...
hais...imma in a foul mood today...
I am finding it so hard to accomodate with my mom now...
This world is simply just too fake...
Mom, why?
You are my strength.....
You know that, don't you?
You are the one who pulled me up, at my lowest point...
But why?
Don't push me down when i'm trying to keep things stable , can you?
You know that I Love You soo much...
YOU KNEW THAT!!
But why are you like that?
Mom...frankly speaking...
i find you really fake sumtimes.....
but i tell myself not to have this thought...
CAUZ YOU ARE MY MUM!!!!
You asked me in 2006...
You asked me whether would I leave you one day...
I TOLD YOU I WOLD NOT!!!!
Why do everyone doubt what I say??
Why issit ALWAYS the one I LOVE ...
the ONE i put 1st in my heart...
ALWAYS, WITHOUT FAIL....DOUBT MY WORDS???!!
Mum....you know.....
hearing your voice , on the fone ...makes me want to cry...
I dohno why?
I have really no idea whether you are trying to pull me up?
Or are you trying to push me down?
Mum....I know that...you do not treat me as blood-daughter...
but....please...a favour from me?
Can you not hurt me one day?
I can't bear the pain...
If you're gonna leave me one day..
Can you please tell me first...
let me be mentally prepared...
that 1 day i might lose you...
Why issit ALWAYS the ONE i love sooo much ....leaving me?
WHY ISSIT ALWAYS LIKE THAT?
Haiz... i wonder what's happening to this world...
I hate the feeling of Goodbyes...
ESPECIALLY the ones i LOVE ....leaving me....
My heart just shatters...
I know after all these years...
no matter how much i do...
to you...it was NEVER enough...
I NEVER SEEN YOU SMILE TO ME TRULLY!!!
BUT...when your OWN DAUGHTER just gave you a smile...
YOU SMILED WITH YOUR HEART!!!
Wad's with that?
I don't like it , you know?
Sometimes ...i really want to tell you...
YES MOM! I REALLY LOVE YOU ALOT..
But please... can you don't abuse this rights you have?
sumtimes ... i really wana ask u...
Do you REALLY love me? Or Not?
why do people ALWAYS see me as sumone who will hurt you?
I am fierce...WHY?
I wana protect myself...
I'm afraid no one will protect me ...when i get bullied...
Last year alone... I HAD ENOUGH!
Friends talk behind my back...
Cursing & Swearing at my mom...
Cursing my mom to die..
Cursing my entire family to die..
You like the feeling uh?
YES! WANT TO KNOW WHO THEY ARE?
EASY! DARE TO SAY! DARE TO ADMIT!
YES ! they are 4B2 2009....
Hey.... just a gentle reminder to you guys...
watch your mouth...
don't forget.....
You have your family too...
try it when sumone starts cursing & swearing at you mum...
i'm sure you will CRY...
You know.. thatkind of feeling?
UH? YOU KNOW THAT?
I may seem to be a super fierce person infront of anybody?
NO! this isn't me?
I donhno why i will become the way i am now...
THIS YEAR...
just only a few months after i entered this class...
ONE PERSON!!! I TRUSTED!!! I LOVED!!!!
made me lose ONE THING.... that meant EVERYTHING!!
YOU can't blame me... If i HATE YOU now...
cauz you MADE ME....
HATE YOU TO THE CORE!!!
I know...as a Christian...
We ought to forgive & forget...
But hear this....
I'LL NEVER EVER FORGET WHAT YOU'VE DONE...
but i've already foriven you...
but..seriously.. the sight of you... makes me recall everything..
sooo... simply buzz off..
Mum...I hope one day....you'll love me...with YOUR HEART...
not trying to fake anything...
lastly..."Mom, I STILL LOVE YOU AS MUCH!!! YOU ARE MY WORLD"