Today... i logged into facebook...
i went to your page mom...
i saw that you're really happy,
cauz you're going back home to see your little precious...
when i saw your status...
i wonder why my heart sank...
I think...right from the start....
it was just one sided bah...
I know...mom...
i was never your precious..
and i was never dad's precious...
I know in the eyes of the both of you...
I was never your own daughter..
yahhr...true...nothing beats your own blood daughter...right?
I'd never seen mom so happy before...
that's good...i'm happy for you...
actually its all my own thinking..
I know i never will be your precious..
be it 10 yeaars or 20 years down the road..
i know i'll never be...
I was the idiotic one...
out of nowhere intrude into your family..
haiz...
tomorrow night...
i'll be leaving back to Malacca...
wonder what's gonna happen .....
When i reach there...i'll ask dad again...
"Dad, how do i address your mom?"
Dad will say..."call popo..."
And when i look right into mum eyes...
2 words came out of her mouth...
"call auntie..."
and what can i reply?
of course...it's a straight" Orh...."
secondly...
i'm gonna face the way you're gonna treat your daughter...
that's the hardest part...
when you're playing or cuddling with your daughter...
i promise i'll stay in the living room..
so you can enjoy your private time with your baby with dad...
Lastly...
family potrait..
Last year...i went to dad's brother's wedding...
they took a family potrait...
the entire family potrait...
dad wave his hands at me...
"Bee...come over here...take together"
and then again...
i look right into mum's eye...
i know what that means..
Mom's eyes read.."You better not come!"
then I gave dad a smile...
and said.."oh..it's okkay...you guys go ahead~"
Mom...
stop telling me...how you want our future to be..
stop telling me lies can you?
Stop giving me hope...
you know when i see hope so high...
in the end...i'll just shatter...
stop saying "one family..one family..."
infront of me...
To me your one family means....You+Dad+Your Daughter= One Family
So stop deceiving me can you?
I hate it when i have to think..
what if one day you will leave me?
What if one day...your daughter dislikes me and wants you to leave me?
Then when that day comes....
Mom?.......Will you leave me??
I'm waitting for your answer....
Mom...can you give me up?
Cauz i can no longer live in doubts....
i can no longer leave in unanswered questions...
I'm afraid one day....just this one day.....you'll leave me..
and when you really leave me...
i will be left with nothing...
You meant the world to me , Mom....
If you give me up now....
maybe i'll hurt lesser?
I know if you leave me...
my life will definetly change...
but.. yeah... i'm selfish...
i don't wish to be hurt soo much...
i hate the feeling when needles came piercing thru my heart...
Mom....will you prove me that you'll never leave me?
Can you prove to me that you actually loved me?
Please don't fake to love me...
Cauz i can feel....
Onw back to malacca...
in the car...
i'll be full of fear...
Father, please... don't let me feel the fear can You?
Wash my head clean....
Cauz i'd never want to feel scared anymore~
Amen
Hello creatures!
